I’ll burn this whole city down…

Edit: I feel like I owe you a little back story. So, I’m a big fan of Freud and yes, I’m aware you hate me for that. Despite his less than modern, anti-feminist (at times) view of the world, I feel like he was on to something (on many fronts) but specifically on lust (and subsequent, more-relevant-to-my-story, love). With that introduction, I’m sure you know this is going to sound incredibly fucked up, but hear me out. I’ll sum it up with one anecdote that sort of gets at my point without getting too disturbing.

One day, when I was about six years old, I kissed my dad on the mouth and said, “Daddy, will you marry me?”

My dad replied, “I would love to, Kitten, but I’m married to your mom.”

At that point I had a choice. I could have accepted this and moved on, or I could have vowed to remove my mother from the picture (which possibly happened subconsciously, but has since been reversed), or I could have responded how I did:

“Oh, OK! Mommy can marry me too.”

So there it is. If you know me, you’re probably laughing your ass off right now. But, before you fall off your chair, let me briefly explain why I felt the need to share. When I think of missing someone, to the point of sadness, there really was, and is, only one guy (and one gal) for me in the world. The rest of them are all just attempts to find them again, my mom and dad. I find that the amount of attachment I form to a lover is directly proportionate to their similarities to my parents. So, for me, the sentiment of “missing” someone never translates to missing the lover, but missing the source of love; missing my parents.

It’s a lovely idea that there is just one person out there that exactly fits the mold, but it’s a load of bollocks. Not only do I personally disprove this theory almost once every full moon, but I also have never seen evidence to support it (beyond a reasonable doubt, of course).  According to all the good mothers of the world, two wrongs don’t make a right, so I rest my case.

Why then does the heart, in a metaphysical sense, ache (and we all feel it) when one of our loves goes away? Why do people so dread the day when they have to be apart from a lover, if only for a period of time? It has been a really long time since I could honestly say I knew what it felt like to “miss” someone. I just don’t work that way. But I see it everyday on Facebook; someone missing their true love dearly and wishing they were near. I’m guessing a lot of the lonely hearts out there are a result of not being raised on classics such as “Love the one You’re with” and “Ramblin’ Man.” But being one of those “lovechild”s who was, I have developed a unique skill: the ability to cure you of the sentimental bullshit that is holding you down. Step One: mix tape therapy!

Lies Over Verbose Eroticism – The Miss You Mix


Really cool song. If you don’t like instrumentals, this one’s not for you, but it is super chill and I highly recommend giving it a listen.

When the Sun goes Down Arctic Monkeys

These guys are so much fun. Fun little pop culture references in every song, adorable British accidents, and always an upbeat baseline. Cheeky little punks!

Sally’s SongNightmare Before Christmas

OK, before you do the head tilt thing at me, listen to it! Danny Elfman has a gift for making music that people can’t resist listening to. Seriously, how many times do you skip a Nightmare Before Christmas song when it comes on your shuffle, and how many times do you sing gayly along instead? Right?

Jealous Guy- John Lennon

Whistle solo FOR THE WIN! If there’s anyone who understands the fluidity of love, it’s John Lennon. Yet, we still get these sappy love songs from him. So, not that you asked for it, but here’s my theory on that. People feel things. It happens. Lennon captures a feeling that he felt for a minute in a song, and we listen to it and feel the damned thing infinitely longer. So if you’re impressionable enough to believe that life can be lived through song lyrics, well you end up deeply, deeply emotional… when really, that was no one’s intention.

On RepeatLCD Soundsystem

I try to skip LCD Soundsystem when it comes on my shuffle because I feel like it’s cheating to listen to one song at a time, and I haven’t had time to experience the album start to finish yet. But this one slipped by when I wasn’t paying attention and I found myself head-bopping all the way through it. Cool. Thanks, Matt, I promise I’ll listen to the whole thing.

Passive- A Perfect Circle

I have had a love affair with APC for a very long time. I used to fall asleep to Mer De Noms. Something about Keenan’s voice is just so stimulating, and with a resume consisting of Tool, Smashing Pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails, and The Vandals (among others), how can you not swoon over this band?

Fire- Kasabian

I’m not sure why I’m confessing this, but I literally replaced QotSA’s Born to Hula with this song AS I was writing this paragraph because it came on my shuffle and I couldn’t stop myself. Kasabian has such a great sound, and this song just fits really well in this mix.

Would’ve Been the OneSolange

Solange has a weird sound to me. Funky, jazzy, poppy, diva. Anyway, fun song…

Sour Girl – Stone Temple Pilots

I’m still not sure I understand this song, or really any STP songs for that matter, their lyrics are pretty obscure. But, they are never the less awesome, and musically moving. This song makes me happy.. I’m not sure it should.. but it does.

O Valencia The Decemberists

OK, I know this song shouldn’t make me as happy as it does! Because I definitely understand this one. But it’s adorable and lots of fun! I really enjoy the Decemberists, and this song is the cutest thing ever.

Portions for Foxes- Rilo Kiley

I don’t like to think this song has anything to do with me. But, who am I kidding? Rilo Kiley will kick your ass if you don’t already know your flaws. Watch out. Also, good luck listening to just one song from this album. It will suck you in and before you know it, it’s repeating.

Blister in the SunViolent Femmes

I love that no matter where I go, if this song comes on, at least one other person feels obligated to skank and clap at exactly the same time as I do. I have made more than one good friend through this experience. Let me go on!

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. blackwatertown
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 01:10:11

    I’m high as a kite
    I just might
    Stop to check you out…
    Oh, I just did – good list. And interesting blog.


    • elenazen
      Jan 17, 2011 @ 01:51:11

      Thank you, sir. I quite enjoyed yours as well! How on earth did you come across mine?


      • blackwatertown
        Jan 18, 2011 @ 00:34:34

        errr… no sure how I came across you. Maybe randomly.
        But I love your concept of tracks and thoughts in tandem – reminding of old ones I’ve missed and new ones to listen to now too.

  2. John
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 02:30:06

    this is amazing! the way you write is like an adventure. I personally know how you feel and you try to explain to me how you feel but really fail at it, this really paints me a clear picture. Also, paint me my picture you owe me! love ya Lanna 😉


  3. blackwatertown
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 00:38:19

    So I’ve added a link to you from me. (Must reorganise the categories, but it’s where it is for the minute.)


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